Monthly Archives: September 2011

Diary of a school bus driver Day-14

While waiting at the school yesterday afternoon, waiting to load…

E – Miss M! Miss M! Do you have any wipes?

Me – E, please go sit down.

E – But Miss M, I have arm pit juice on my hand.

Me – Wha?

E – I have J’s armpit juice on my hand.

Me – um eew.

E – Do you have any wipes, or hand sanitizer?

Me – Why do you have armpit juice on your hand?

E – I went to hive J a hug and got his sweaty armpit juice on my hand.

J – Miss M! E wiped armpit juice on me. 🙂

Me – No, I do not have any wipes. All I have is paper towels.

J- Here E. Use these paper towels.

E – No, those won’t clean it off. I need wipes.

Now she proceeds to wipe the arm pit juice on my sleeve, and arm.

E – here Miss M. I’ll share my armpit juice with you.

Me – *sigh* thank you E. Thank you very much. Now will you both go sit down and stop wiping arm pit juice on each other,…and on me… on on anyone else!

Kids. 🙂


Bird poo?

Bird poo?

See the tiny white dot? Bird poo? maybe. cleaned it up anyway.

Miss M!!!

Miss M!!!

A bird when poop on my seat!!! Can you clean it up please?

Diary of a school bus driver Day 13…Knock on wood to prevent bad luck..

Rather uneventful day so far. Except for the fact that I actually left ON TIME this morning. Been trying to do that but there’s always something conspiring against me. My cell phone not working, (it’s my timepiece) or the fog, or the torrential downpours, or me just getting out of bed late, or me leaving me cell phone at home and turning around to go get it. (I only live 2 minutes from work).

Overall is was a good morning. I wrote up 3 kids this morning on the 4-step write ups. Two of them I talked to (per the 1st step) the 3rd one I sent a letter home to his parents (per the 2nd step) But I already spoke to his mom this morning, because she actually came out to the bus to talk to me to tell me that he was going to daycare in the morning and he would start riding home in the afternoons.
I guess they don’t believe me when I tell them that I’m going to write them up. You absolutely cannot issue empty threats. If I tell them I’m going to do it, and they still ignore me then I write them up and let their parents deal with it. If that doesn’t work the next step is the principal. They don’t make these laws for no reason. They are safety issues. They are all in place to keep those goofy kids safe.

On another note I have this group of kids who are the very last ones off the bus in the afternoon, and when the kids get off the bus before them they all run to the front of the bus and start singing

everyone’s off the bus ( to the tune of “another one bites the dust by Queen)
everyone’s off the bus…..but us…but us.
Then one of them will interject here (everybody sing it with me)
everyone’s off the bus
everyone’s off the bus…..but us…but us.
everyone’s off the bus
everyone’s off the bus…..but us…but us

It makes me giggle.

At least my day ends on a happy note. Everyday.

Diary of a school bus driver…12

It is amazing that people don’t listen to me. I speak and nobody acknowledges. At least it sure seems that way. I guess when they get called to the office they will start to listen.

Me – Get. Out. Of. The Aisle.  …NOW.

the three boys hanging their entire bodies out into the aisle – moves out of the aisle only to pop right back out again 3 seconds later.

Me – I said, Get Out Of The Aisle…NOW.

All of this is happening while I’m gong about 45 mph down a country road.

They don’t move. They don’t acknowledge.

Me – Get out of the aisle or I am going to write you up! *I say in a loud sing song voice*


So I watch them hang out in the aisle all the way to school, and I have decided to write them up on the 4 step write up. BUT… I am NOT going to talk to them about it because I figure I’ve talked to them enough. The next step is a letter home to their parents and then they’ll be all surprised, like…I don’t know what she’s talking about mom. I swear I wasn’t hanging out in the aisle.


I guess I could have slammed the brakes on and made them fall out of their seats and laughed at them but they don’t like it when you do that. Hmmmph.

*they is the powers that be. You know the ones that hire and fire us wee folks.*

I’ll just let their parents deal with it. I’m tired.

Have a Great Hump Day y’all!

Diary of a school bus driver. Day… … uh … don’t 11? maybe?

Anyway…Fog, rain, sunshine in my eyeball. Kids supposedly flipping each other off. Except they call it “flicking” each other off”. I don’t get this one. Kids these day huh? 🙂 Ok, that means I’m getting old or something doesn’t it. But I thought when you flicked  someone you were flicking them…you know FLICK! Ow! But when a kid says someone flicked them off they mean, well you know, the middle finger…OOOOOH.Whatever. I flick my friends off all the time. That’s what friends are for right?

But it’s Tuesday and I’m already ready for the weekend. I am just not into  this bus driving thing right now. What does that say about me? It’s only like, 4 weeks into the school year and I’m over it. Plus they take way too much outta my paycheck. I can’t afford to be a bus driver anymore. I need a REAL job.  I say this every year, and every year I just keep on driving.

Maybe I just need a nap. Maybe I should go buy something to drink that has a TON of caffeine in it! That way I can be way more hyper than the kids. Otherwise I may fall asleep and they wouldn’t like that. In fact I’m pretty sure they might fire me for falling asleep on the bus. Bummer, Cuz I’m really tired. Starbucks? Mountain Dew? Maybe both. That oughtta do it.

No kid stories today. Thank Goodness. It’s all about me. Just the way I like it. 😛

Diary of a scholbus driver – Day 6

Today on Facebook it has been declared to be International Talk Like A Pirate Day.


I told all my kids on the bus this morning.
Told them to talk like a pirate all day and to tell their friends.

Behave or ye’ll walk the plank ye scurvy dog!

Some of them said they would do it, some of them just looked at me and thought I was crazy.

It’s fun to do this, because by the end of the day EVERYONE will be doing it. Hopefully.

Kind of like the rumor mill. Start something and see what it turns into by the end of the day.

Diary of a school bus driver Day 4 … sort of…:-)

Technically today is Day 5 but I was super busy yesterday, between runs and didn’t have time to write. Yesterday was Friday, and I had about 3 write ups to do in the morning. I have three 6th grade boys who are making my life miserable on the bus.

Now I know that in the scheme of things, talking too loudly is really a small thing compared to the school buses in the city. They are dealing with some REALLY bad stuff, like fighting everyday, knives, drugs, guns. But I don’t live in the city and I like it that way. I live in the country and the stuff I generally have to deal with is kids being really loud and obnoxious. So I wrote up these 3 boys. Two are twins, really cute kids, but wild. And the other lives down the street from the first two. Talked to their parents at the bus stops on the way to school in the morning. Hopefully ruined their weekends, (not kidding, I really do hope I ruined their weekends) *evil grin*. They ruin my everyday.

I also had to drive my two eldest sons to their jobs. One works 13 miles from home in one direction and the other works 9 miles in the opposite direction, and “The Beast” (my Dodge Ram van) only gets about 12 miles to the gallon. ugh. But you do what you have to do, especially for family.
One of the teachers, who puts my little kids on the bus (k-2) puts the last kid on, then looks at me and screams;
and I was like …
Wow! You’re a WOO Girl! I love that! Have a great weekend. 🙂

Now…I’m constantly trying to keep the kids from screaming on the bus and this teacher is screaming at me while she’s putting kids ON my bus.

Ironic huh?

Saturday morning and I woke up to daylight. I always have this feeling that I’ve overslept for work because I’m usually up and running long before the sun is.

Today? No driving if I can help it.

Diary of a school bus driver Day 3

Ok so last night I’m driving up the main road in our area, on the way to drop off my K-4 students. This road is 55mph so I’m going 60.(just kidding) Remember, it takes 12 minutes to get to my first drop. It’s about 75F outside,  so every window on the bus is open. I hear a ruckus, and look up into my rear view mirror which allows me to see everything that’s going on. There is a maelstrom of papers flying around the inside of the bus. Kids are diving under their seats grabbing papers and trying to bundle them together. Those who are not diving for paper are hanging out in the aisle, watching the show. The kids who sit by the window are laying on top of their seatmates also trying to see.
One of the 4th graders in the back is trying to get everyone to pass the papers to him. They’re obviously his. One kid acts as if he’s going to throw the papers back to him and D is frantically shaking his head. He sees me watching in the mirror. Some of the boys are snatching handfuls of what is now a WAD of papers, ripping chunks off and throwing them around like confetti. Finally the papers gets to the back of the bus and D puts them in his backpack. Now while this had all been going on I’ve been trying to find a safe place to pull over so that I can get control of the situation. When I see my spot, I turn my blinker on, and pull into the gravel lot bouncing through the pot holes.

One little kindergartner says “Why are we stopping? Are we getting gas?”

I stand up and he looks at me in all seriousness and say ” I do not see a gas pump Miss M”.

I just shake my head and work my way to the back of the bus and ask D “what is going on???”

D – “I was trying to do my homework”

me – “with all the windows open?”

D – just shrugs

So I commence with the “never do homework on the bus because you will lose all your papers out the window, and you are not supposed to have your pencils out on the bus because you’re going to get stabbed in the eye.”
I also tell them that they are grounded from talking ( btw…I GROUND my kids, so while I’m giving them heck they kind of think this is funny to be grounded by their bus driver) and tell them to stay behind the barrier ( their seats) and if I so much as see a head, shoulder, knee, leg, hand or backpack I am going to write them up. I really do hate being so mean, but that was out of HAND!

Whew. That made me tired. Now I still have to drive them all home, but I’ll tell you, it was the quietest day so far. It was very peaceful. Maybe I should holler more often.


Diary of a school bus driver – day 2

So this morning I leave 1 minute late. Grrr. I hate it when that happens. Apparently the volume on my cell phone was turned down, and I didn’t hear the alarm go off telling me to “go drive your school bus!”. I get to that second stop, remember the telephone pole humping from yesterday? Talked to those kids.

Me: We need to talk.

Them: ok

Me: Please do not hump the telephone pole after I’ve driven away.

12 yr ok: Ok. I’m sorry

14 yr old: I’ve only done that once, because K was sad and I wanted to make him laugh.

Me: oh, well ok, but don’t do it any more

14 yr old: actually it was kind of uncomfortable. There are NAILS IN THAT POLE!

me: yikes! All the more reason to NOT do it.

My question is…humping a telephone pole would make K not sad anymore? Really? Well I guess it DID make me smile.